


Against Protocol

by DemonicClaymore



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Desire, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Drinking, First Kiss, Friendship/Love, Jim/Pike, Lectures, Love Confessions, M/M, Older Man/Younger Man, Secret Relationship, literary soft porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-06 02:42:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1841323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonicClaymore/pseuds/DemonicClaymore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James T. Kirk is invited once again to Christopher Pike's office because he just can't follow the rules. The meeting leads to an unexpected date which inspires some very interesting events that change both men's lives forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Lesson in Protocol

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yoh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoh/gifts).



“May I ask what this is about, Sir?” Kirk was reluctant to talk to Christopher Pike, especially since he was fairly certain the reason he’d been called to the man’s office was for the purpose of a good chiding.

          Pike smiled at the young recruit and crossed her fingers, locking them together in a simple yet intimidating way. He gave James T. Kirk a long once over. He knew the dramatic pause would make the lad uncomfortable. He smiled internally as Kirk shifted his weight form one foot to the other. It was a subtle shift, but it was all the older man needed to know that the rookie knew he had done something wrong.

          Kirk cleared his throat and maintained his erect stance, but his eyes were beginning to wander. He was used to his superior just jumping into the lectures. The silent treatment was really starting to bug him.

          Pike stood slowly and moved around the side of his desk. He felt Jim’s eyes on him the entire time. It made Christopher’s spine tingle, but he repressed the physical shudder. Rather, he drew out his movements as much as possible to add further anticipation. He wondered if the blue-eyed boy would break.

          “Sir,” Kirk said firmly. “I was pulled out of my advanced logistics in navigation and response class during a rather important lecture to come see you.” Of course, he wasn’t eager to get back to his class, but just waiting for Chris to go off on him was actually more stressful than listening to the same lecture he’d heard two days ago with some video additions when he had already read the entire guide with additional material. That was saying something too, because Kirk hated all that damn rehashing crap.

          “That’s right,” Pike said with a sly little smirk. “You were in the middle of class.” He shrugged and made it out like he had some myopathy for that fact. “Of course I should let you get back to it. After all, the notes you could be taking of Jennivier Fostner’s personal communication number and physical measurements are something ever young captain in training needs to succeed.”

          The sarcasm overwhelmed Kirk and he found himself tightening his jaw. He’d been outed and condescended too. He figured that would just be the first step to a much more humiliating topic of conversation. Still, there was that part of him that just couldn’t help but crack a smile.

          With Jim’s smirk arrived Christopher’s scowl. That dropped the cadet’s proud display quickly.

          “Is that somehow funny to you, Kirk?” Pike moved forward and placed his face near Jim’s. The smell of the younger man was a bit more than just intoxicating. Pike took it in modestly and inconspicuously as he leered down at the lower-ranking star fleet representative.

          “No, Sir.” Kirk said, trying hard not to swallow the lump that was in his throat now. Pike was so close, and the boy smelt the man’s maturity without even having to try. He couldn’t get over the fact that he was attracted to the man’s subtle musk or that slight dab of perfume he always wore but never identified.

          “Do you think that’s why I brought you to Star Fleet Academy? So you could spend you classes addressing, studying, and fooling around the opposite sex?”

          Now Pike sounded like he was giving a lecture. That eased Jim’s mind just a little.

          “No, Sir.”

          “Then, why do _you_ think you’re here?”

          Jim couldn’t help but smile again. It wasn’t for wanting of pissing off the only man who’d ever really stuck his neck out for him. Mostly, it was because he was nervous being so close to Christopher and because he thought it was somehow kind of silly that Pike always acted like he was Kirk’s dad or something. Jim knew for a fact that Pike didn’t call out any of the other students for one-on-ones just because they had misbehaved a little or didn’t pay proper attention in class. It made Kirk feel good inside in a way he didn’t even really understand.

          “Because you said you believed I had the potential to be the best of the best, Sir.” Kirk spoke and watched Pike’s eyebrow rise.

          “And what the hell makes you think for even a second that _the best_ can make it to the top by wasting his time on anything? You don’ get good by dating pretty girls, cadet! You don’t become the captain of a star ship by skipping out on entire lectures.”

 _Busted! So, Pike did figure it out._ Kirk felt smart for calling what the meeting was about ahead of time, not that it took a dark matter physicist to figure that one out.

          Kirk straightened his spine and spoke clearly, never breaking eye contact with his superior.

          “I have completed all unlocked testing material and I’ve aced every assignment and evaluation for each of my classes this semester. I didn’t realize that my preferred methods of study outweighed my results. I was under the impression that results where what mattered, Sir.”

          Pike considered reaching out and slapping the boy upside his head and chiding him the way a friend or familiar might. However, he was a man of prestige and protocol. He needed to make Jim understand that it never matter how much good you do in the academy or in the world. If you were caught going against standard conduct or protocol you would be punished. Of course, Pike feared he’d never be able to reign in a boy like Kirk, his beautiful wild stallion.

          “You’re wrong about that, as usual.” Pike sighed and allowed himself to fall back just enough so that he was leaning against his desk. He crossed his arms. “Regardless of status, rank, or achievements there are just certain things that are required of you.”

          Pike looked at his younger companion. He was reminded every time he saw the boy now that some things just couldn’t happen. No matter how much freedom and peace the human race had obtained, the kind of relationship that Christopher had longed to have with Jim fell into the category of unachievable. Sure, there were personal reasons for that, but even if the boy did take an interest and didn’t think it was strange, Pike understood that Star Fleet regulation simply wouldn’t allow it. Especially not if Pike ever wanted to take Kirk aboard his own ship and train the boy directly as his captain. That sort of thing would never pass the board of directors.

          “Even a hot shot talent like yourself has to wear the uniform and show up for classes on time and at least pretend to pay attention during lecture.”

          Kirk felt a tug on his heartstrings and wasn’t really sure why. Something in Pike’s expression, in his eyes, just made the boy feel as though something was really amiss. The boy realized there was a kind of longing and loneliness in the older man’s eyes that Jim could relate too.

          “But-“ Kirk prepared to defend his side again, trying to ignore the aching in his chest.

          He didn’t want to hear how he wasn’t allowed to do what he wanted to do, especially not from Pike. He had to deal with that rejection every time he saw the older man now. It was just something he’d learned to repress and move away from. Cadets just didn’t date higher-ranking officers of Star Fleet, especially not if they ever wanted to serve directly under them. Kirk knew this, but his interest in the older gentleman had turned from just one of hope and familiarity and the boy had begun to truly admire Pike. So much so, his admiration seemed to manifest as all new kinds of feelings.

          Usually, Pike would be the one Kirk would talk to about things the younger man needed advice on, _But how do you ask a man you severely respect how to understand a crush you have on him?_

          “No buts, Kirk!” Pike said, exhausted already of the lesson. “You know better!”

          Kirk allowed his mouth to finally shut and his head to fall just slightly. His gaze shifted from Pike’s eyes to his lips, no longer able to keep eye contact due to his own guilt.

          Pike fought back his own emotions to stay strong for his friend. He cared about Jim, more than the boy would ever know. Even that, the denial of expression, was to protect the boy.

          “You have got to get your head in the game, Jim. Otherwise, you’re going to learn the hard way, again, that things just aren’t your way around here.” Pike realized too late his sympathy had managed to seep out just a little in his tone. He cleared his throat and continued. “You have to learn how to follow the rules. Your father understood the importance of protocol. He wouldn’t have made it through the academy and been there to be the hero he was if he hadn’t abided by the rules.”

          That pang of hurt stabbed Jim in the chest and the tips of his fingers. He tightened his hands into fists to keep the expression his emotions were vying for from appearing on his face.

 _He just can’t help himself,_ Kirk thought bitterly. _Why does he always have to compare me to my father? Why can’t he ever see how well I’m doing? How hard I’m trying!_

          That strange sense of jealousy Jim wished he could talk to Christopher about kept the boy from opening his mouth again.

          Pike saw the look in Kirk’s eyes that meant he’d accepted a kind of defeat that was more closely related to a silent truce. That look always meant that there was nothing more Pike could get across to the boy. It meant they were done.

          “Just, try to at least look like your focusing on anything your teachers have to say.” Pike moved over and put a hand on Kirk’s shoulder. He gave a small encouraging smile to try and relax the boy. “Showing off that you’re smarter than your professors is not a good way to stay out of my office. It’s a pretty poor way to make friends too.”

          Kirk looked up at his mentor. There was understanding between them. Jim relaxed. He felt bad for giving Chris so much trouble all the time when he was always there trying to watch out for the smaller man. Kirk smiled, that honery little smile that made Pike’s insides clutch.

          “It impresses everyone I want to be my friend though.”

          Pike gave Kirk’s shoulder a firm squeeze as a playful punishment for the boy’s vain comment.

          “Just try, okay? For my sake?”

          The two shared a look with one another and Kirk felt his heart skip a beat. He swallowed and laughed. “Yeah, sure.”

          “I mean it. I don’t want to have to see you in my office for at least another week.” Pike used a stern tone, but he was smiling too.

          An idea came to Kirk then. He couldn’t repress it or avoid it. It was a long shot, a shot in the dark. However, knowing he’d be dismissed any second made his pulse quicken and his mind to panic in private. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want Pike to take his hand away again so that they wouldn’t be able to see each other until Kirk did something else to get an audience with the other male. Kirk wanted to stay with Christopher a little longer, to talk more, and to have the older man continue touching him. This instinct led the impulsive boy to make a split second decision.

          “What about outside of the office?” Kirk blurted out. He felt like he was blushing, but the embarrassment hadn’t actually reached his cheeks.

          “Hmm?” Pike looked at Jim with some astonishment. He hadn’t expected that response.

          “Well, if you don’t want me to come pester you in your office, maybe you could actually take some time to see me outside of class and work hours.”

          Pike knew he shouldn’t accept the offer. He knew he could easily blow the boy off by saying he had too much work to take care of, and with the soft and hopeful gaze Kirk was giving him, Pike knew he shouldn’t risk the encounter. Still, that same look made it inevitable.

          “All right,” Pike confirmed. “If you promise it will make you behave, then we can meet up for dinner tomorrow at Sargent Lion’s, okay?”

          Kirk’s face lit up and he nodded. Going to a bar and diner with Pike for dinner sounded like just the thing. That way, maybe if he got bold—and if he said something Pike didn’t go with—he could just blame everything unsavory on a few too many beers. Then again, maybe they could both blame the alcohol for the first move, if he was lucky.

          “Sounds like a plan!” Kirk saluted and was dismissed.

          Tomorrow night, he would be going on an unofficial date with Christopher Pike where, he hoped, he would have the balls to tell the man what he’d been dealing with and hiding.


	2. Meeting at Sargent Lion's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pike and Kirk meet up for their date and realize they have similar motives for being there in the first place.

Sargent Lion was a large bar and diner where young men and women loved to go on the weekends for a bit of loud music and jumping. However, during the week it was a fairly nice and reasonable location for anyone to go and relax while they enjoyed good food and a variety of mixed drinks.

          Pike looked down at his watch. He’d been waiting for Kirk for a little more than half an hour now. Of course, Christopher had arrived fifteen minutes early, but that still made his date more than fifteen minutes late.

         “Where is that boy?”

         Meanwhile, Kirk was running behind. He had earned himself a little extra study time due to his _over-achieving_ nature. Of course, that hadn’t quite been expected and it threw off Kirk’s entire day’s plan. In his efforts to prepare for a rather special and stressful night, Jim had planned to go out and buy a new outfit, shower, and dress himself well before going out and buying some flowers and showing up to the arranged “Jim-Pike time” early. However, with detention wrecking his ideal schedule, he didn’t have time to go into town to buy something nice and new to wear. Then, his upstairs neighbor had decided that today would be the best day to clog his toilet and then break the water pipe after attempting to teach himself how to be a handyman-plumber. Jim had been forced to ask a friend to borrow his shower, which of course he was eventually permitted access too, but only after the guy’s girlfriend finished putting on her make-up. Needless to say, by the time Kirk was finally cleaned up and dressed, he was already running massively behind schedule.

            “Damn it!” Kirk yelled and slammed his fist on the steering wheel. He had tried to be smooth and pick up the flowers on the way over, but he’d forgotten that the florist he had in mind had moved shops all the way across town. When he remembered, it was too late and it was already time for him to be at the restaurant. Now, Jim was racing towards Sargent Lion’s, hoping that his tardiness wouldn’t lose him too many points.

 

Pike took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He felt angry with himself for having put so much emotional investment in the night’s meeting. Jim was a growing young man and he probably had more interesting things to do—most likely with some pretty young things—than just to come to dinner with an old man.

            Swallowing his pride, Christopher stood up and brushed himself off. He put out the candle at the center of the table set for two and let out one last exhausted and lonely sound.

_SCHREEEEETCH!_

            Christopher turned his attention towards the window leading outside. A red-painted hotrod shot by the man’s line of sight and disappeared on the other side of the building. One last squeal of the tires suggested the vehicle had finally come to a rather abrupt stop.

            “Jim,” Pike said, shaking his head. A small smile had crept onto his lips. The boy was late, but he’d shown.

            Kirk jumped out of his vehicle in a hurry and rushed into the restaurant looking for Christopher. Finally, their eyes met. Jim gave an embarrassed and cocky little smirk and walked over like he had meant to have poor timing all along.

“You’re late,” Pike mentioned, looking more stern about the matter than he actually felt. Inwardly, he was just thrilled Jim hadn’t blown him off.

            “I know, I know. I’m sorry. It’s just—“ Kirk paused, taking a few much needed breaths. He calmed himself and ran his hand through his hair. “It’s been a long day.”

            “Well, I suppose since we’re both here we might as well have dinner anyway.”

            Pike watched Jim get comfortable in his chair, and then Chris did the same. He was playing it cool, but now that Kirk was there Pike’s heart was starting to beat faster and his palms were starting to sweat. He wasn’t sure he could actually go through with his plans to address that very uncomfortable topic. All afternoon Pike had stressed over whether or not he would brave and ask Kirk “why”. He wanted to know why the boy had asked to meet him outside of the academy. Christopher wanted to ask Jim about the expressions he had made in the office too. Most importantly, Pike wanted to ask about the adorable black suit and tie Kirk had decided to wear that night. The red button up under the jacket was certainly flashy enough, but the outfit seemed inappropriate for just a friendly date between two men at a bar and diner.

            Of course, there was time to order beverages and appetizers before he had to brave that road.

            “Great! Sounds good,” Kirk said, complimenting Christopher’s choice in first and second courses. “Actually, I’m starving.”

            “You haven’t eaten today?” Pike gave the younger man a disapproving look.

            Kirk shrugged. “I didn’t have the time. Besides, I wanted to pig out tonight.”

            “Oh, I see,” Christopher laughed. “So you were saving room to devour what you could of my wallet.”

            “Exactly!” Jim put on his best shit-eater grin. “You’ve got the idea.”

            “I suppose I did ask you out,” Pike said simply. Then, he felt a little odd about his own choice of words. He found himself feeling flustered again. He had asked the boy to this particular restaurant upon Kirk’s prompting, but he hadn’t been willing to admit that he had alternative motives up until that point. He cleared his throat and changed his expression to one that was a bit more regular. “Well, I plan to pay for dinner. Order what you liked. I feel like spoiling you a little tonight.”

            Jim felt his face turn hot. He knew he wasn’t blushing, but he was paranoid that his cheeks were ratting him out. The Star Fleet student was happy to finally be alone with his favorite superior, but now that they were alone he didn’t know what to say.

            Luckily, the waitress broke the silence by taking their order. After she left, Kirk at least had something to talk about. In the boyish manner Pike was accustomed to, Jim watched the waitress walk away as though he were an inexperienced horny teenager. He turned back when she was out of sight and grinned at Pike.

            “She’s cute, right?”

            “Yes,” Christopher said simply. An eyebrow rose higher than its partner. Pike was making yet another disapproving face, but this one carried some mocking amusement too. “Though to be honest, I’m not sure her level of physical attraction is something you should be concerning yourself with.”

            Pike admitted in the most secret part of his heart that he was jealous and it was hurtful to see Jim ogle a young and beautiful woman. It made the fact that his inner desires were completely one-sided and unrealistic that much more real and painful. Still, it wasn’t the first time he had to deal with that sort of involuntary rejection. He wasn’t one of those men who couldn’t handle himself. He understood right from wrong and coming onto a student that is half your age and the son of a late best friend was certainly towards the darker side of the meter.

            “What should I concern myself with then, Chris?” Kirk’s eyes half-lidded and his smile softened and became more dangerous. He was flirting, and he knew it. There was a very slim chance he’d get anything in return for it, but it was in his very nature to try. He’d mentioned the girl to try and make Pike jealous. He didn’t think it had worked the same way it might have if he’d been escorting a girl, but Jim found hope in the mere fact it seemed to annoy the older man.

            “How about you concern yourself with me.”

            That statement made Kirk become instantly less threatening. His eyes widened a little and he had to sit back to expel some of the energy those words had given him.

 _What does that mean?_ Jim wondered. _Why did he say it like that?_

            Christopher grinned. He hadn’t expected Jim to act so cutely just from that. It felt like a perfectly cruel tease, as though Jim might actually be considering the same illegal nonsense. Of course, that notion was nonsense in itself, but it excited the older man to think about for a moment.

            “After all,” Chris continued. “You did say that coming out with me would be the key to your academic success.”

            “Huh?” Kirk had gotten lost in staring at Pike’s eyes and lips. He’d considered reaching across the table and kissing the older man. Usually, Jim wasn’t shy. However, he figured that if anything, he’d just end up with a black eye and busted lip if he tried anything of the sort. Still, he could dream, couldn’t he? “Wha—?“

            Pike sighed.

            “Honestly, Jim. How do you expect to ever step foot on a starship if you can’t even focus on a simple conversation?”

            Jim felt that heat rise up inside of him again. He didn’t figure Pike knew why he’d been so distracted, but he knew and that was enough.

            “Sorry. I just have other things on my mind tonight. I guess.”

            “Like what?” Pike relaxed back into the seat.

            “You know, just stuff.”

            “Stuff?” Pike gave Kirk a suspicious glance.

            “I just mean….” Jim trailed off. He looked around. He felt almost like he was having a small anxiety attack, but he wasn’t even sure why. It didn’t make any sense for him to be so nervous. He wasn’t in any real danger, and social pressure very rarely affected him.

            _It is just dinner,_ he told himself. _You’re just having dinner with Chris. It isn’t the first time. Calm down._ Then his eyes met Pike’s and he felt a lump rise up in the back of his throat. _Damn it! Why is he staring? Go on! Say something! What’s wrong with you. Just say anything so he’ll stop staring._

            Christopher watched as James T. Kirk became more and more nervous. At first, it was subtle. Then, the boy’s eyes started to dilate and a small amount of perspiration began to form on his brow. Chris noticed that Jim’s hips started to shift in his seat, his fingers started to flex, and the muscles in his neck started to tense. The boy was nervous, but why? Pike’s own heart was racing too as he considered the possibility. He didn’t want to jump to any conclusions though. The results of assuming could always be quite dire.

            “That’s a nice suit,” Pike complemented. He needed to test the water.

            “Oh, uhm, yeah. Thanks.” Jim shrugged. “I don’t know why I even wore the stupid thing. It’s just us. I mean, I don’t usually dress up just to meet friends. I just thought—“

            Pike watched as Kirk realized he was babbling and decided to shut himself up with a drink of soda. He sipped on that straw for a long while before finally taking a breath and speaking again.

            “Wonder where those waffle fries are.” Jim swallowed his nerves and looked around. “I love waffle fries.”

            “I know,” Pike said. He was watching every twitch and shift Kirk made now with heightened interest and focus. He smiled softly though, trying not to look intense while doing so. Being a Star Fleet Captain meant he was a skilled thinker. He was observant and could process a lot of information in a very short amount of time. However, he wasn’t sure what he was picking up on was actually there. He wanted it to be so badly that he just couldn’t allow himself to believe it really was happening.

            “Right.” Kirk shifted more and cleared his throat. Suddenly it felt very hot in the building. “Damn, I think I overestimated the air in here.” He started to remove his coat, feeling silly for having worn it in the first place. Jim looked towards Pike and cocked his head to one side as he asked, “Are you hot?”

            Pike licked his lips and shifted his shoulders before finally answering, “No. I think it feels quite nice in here.” This was his chance to check something. “Here,” Pike said, leaning forward and holding out his hand. “Are you feeling alright?”

            Jim flinched when Christopher’s hand met with his forehead. As soon as the skin touched skin, the younger male was almost certain he’d feel like he had a high fever. At least, he sort of felt like he was running one. He felt hot and a little dizzy. Pike’s hand moved over Jim’s face and it made the cadet shiver. For a moment, he even closed his eyes and leaned gently into the touch. Then, realizing his own behavior, he coughed and laughed. Jim shrugged away from Pike’s touch and smiled.

            “I feel fine, Pike. No need to worry about me.”

            In that moment, Christopher Pike became a little braver. The signs were there and couldn’t be ignored. Still, he was cautiously optimistic.

            “Jim,” Pike said softly. His hand clasped onto Kirk’s hand that was lying on the table’s surface. Pike’s other hand cupped Kirk’s in place, making it no easy matter to simply slide his hand away.

            Kirk looked up and his eyes locked with Pike’s. The boy looked instantly vulnerable and exposed. His chest heaved with deep anxious breaths coming and going. Now, there was a faint rose color adding a wonderful blush to the underling’s cheeks.

            “Y-yeah? What is it? I said I feel fine.” Kirk’s words were nervous and strained. Quite a different sound to come from between those lips.

            “You look a touch stressed.” Pike squeezed his underling’s hand between his passionately.

            “I’m not.”

            “Good,” Christopher said firmly. “You shouldn’t be.” That earned him a subtle look of confusion. Pike grinned. This was all going unbelievably well. “There’s nothing to be stressed about.”

            “Well good, because I’m not stressed.” Jim thought his heart might burst out of his chest. He felt sick and dizzy and ashamed. He wondered bitterly how he could be so disgusting as to imprint such intimate things on a man who was like an uncle or something. He felt dirty and unjustified.

            “Good. Because neither am I.”

            That statement felt so out of place that Jim had to force himself to take another, closer, look at his dinner partner. Now that he was taking the time to notice, Pike seemed a bit off of his game. He was a touch disheveled and looked a little nervous. His voice, the only thing Jim had really been registering, was calm and unmovable, but his eyes were uncertain.

            “That’s good,” Kirk said slowly. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. Now he was lost, staring into Chris’s eyes as the two men talked low amongst themselves.

            Pike chuckled a little. They sounded like two idiots repeating the same words over and over. It was kind of charming in a way.

            “Yes, Jim. Everything’s good.”

            “It is?” A kind of desperation entered Jim’s expression that made Christopher knit his own brows.

            “Yes,” he said reassuringly. “It is.”

            Kirk felt a tug that started as a knot in his chest and grew to a powerful urge that propelled him forward. He took Pike’s hand and leaned forward, out of his own chair.

            “Jim?” Christopher started to ask what the boy was doing, but he stopped himself before his curiosity caused the boy to stop. It didn’t seem real, but the older man felt as though if he let the boy continue that something completely unexpected and wonderful might happen. That notion was followed by a pang of insecurity. The over-ranking officer knew better than to believe in such nonsense. Still, as he inwardly chided himself for thinking about a romantic fairytale ending, it seemed to be coming true.

            The younger male leaned further and further until his face was just an inch from his date’s, their mouths exchanging carbon dioxide. Jim paused before pushing forward. His heart was racing and his mind was rushing around. He wasn’t confident in his choice and that terrified him. The look in the other man’s eyes scared him even more, but there was no going back now!

            Their lips met and the sound of rushing blood filled both of their hearing. Kirk felt heat rush to his face and knew that he never wanted to kiss another person again. He began to fear that Pike would pull away and never let the insubordination happen again. That fear made the boy reach out and practically crawl over the table as he grabbed Christopher’s head and held him in place. Desperation to never pull apart, such an unrealistic goal, inspired the younger male’s decisions.

            _I’ll never let you go,_ Kirk thought boldly.

            Pike shuddered and let his eyes open wide as he was assaulted. He took in the sight of his beloved boy’s tightly closed eyes, flushed cheeks, and sweat-forming hairline. He also breathed in through his nose and inhaled Jim’s scent. It was almost overwhelming. Whenever he tried to pull back to take a breath and speak, Jim simply locked their faces together using his strong arms. Those arms, Chris noted as he gripped one with his own hand, were tense. The delightful feeling of their flexed strength sent a hot chill through the mature man and excited him in every way. It was wrong, but it felt more than right.

            When his commanding officer kissed back, Jim could feel the sting of tears build behind his eyes. He held them at bay, and rejoiced in the contact. The two eventually parted, but after adjusting his angle a little, Kirk pushed back in for another kiss. In a matter of moments, the two had shared their first and sixteenth kisses.

            “Jim,” Christopher said as he pulled the two of them apart. “Jim.” The second time was more forceful, but he was smiling. “I think it would be best,” he started, smiling all the while. “If we take this conversation somewhere more private.”

            A moment later and the table held payment for a meal they hadn’t even started with a healthy tip for the waitress’s troubles, and the two Star Fleet officers were gone. They were in Jim’s car heading towards an untapped building for further communication.

            “I think we have a lot to talk about,” Pike said.

            Jim grinned as he sped up. “Then we’d better hurry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading up until this point! We've decided to expand a little on this story so expect another chapter in the future!   
> Don't forget to subscribe to this one if you liked it so you can get updated when the new chapter is out. <3


	3. Confessions in the Hotel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk gets distressed when Pike seems to change his mind about their relationship. Pike has to reassure him that it is okay and that he really does care about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this last chapter. A fair warning, there is literary soft porn in this chapter. With that said, read on!

“So, how long have you had a crush on me?” Christopher teased as the two men entered the hotel room. Even though they had shared a heated make-out session, the ride over had allowed the older gentleman a moment to catch himself and regain his thoughts. He had decided to play it cool until such time as it became acceptable to move forward. In honesty, he was a bit overwhelmed with how sudden things had gone from normal to something out of a bad romance novel where the main characters just couldn’t keep their hands off of each other.

            “I don’t know.” Kirk shrugged. “A while, I guess.” That surprised the senior officer and Jim could tell. It made him feel a little less ignorant and foolish. “I mean, I didn’t really notice when it started. It just sort of happened.”

            Pike removed his jacket and set both his and Jim’s coats on the arm of the chair sitting adjacently from the small kitchen in the first half of the hotel room. He then walked over and sat on the corner of the single, large-sized bed. Feeling the crisp hotel blankets under his hands really drove home that he’d invited his subordinate and much younger friend to an all expense-paid trip to a big mistake.

            “Don’t you think it is a little inappropriate, Jim?” Chris watched as Kirk’s expression twisted into something wounded and defensive. He tried to cushion the statement, but only a little. It was an uncomfortable notion, and that was before practical application or legal standards became involved. “I’m not telling you no, but I’m having trouble understanding your reasoning.” That seemed to give the boy some energy. “I’m twice your age for starters. You’re a bright young man with the physique to capture almost any young women’s attention, Jim. In fact….” Chris spoke with a disapproving tone. “I happen to know that you take advantage of that fact.” Suddenly the situation seemed hopeless, like a joke or worse, a general misunderstanding on the boy’s part. Pike took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He couldn’t avoid the one simple fact that made this all so very disappointing. “You’re not gay, Jim.”

            Kirk felt his left fist clench and averted his eyes to the wall. He clicked his tongue on the back of his teeth and then smiled in that way he did when he found something cruelly amusing. He turned and shrugged, laughing coldly. “Is that so?” He forced the laugh and shook his head. Then, he faced Pike again and challenged his gaze. “Is that what you think? How the hell would you even know that?”

            The boy was defensive now and Pike knew it was only a matter of time before things escalated.

            “No need to shout.” Pike raised a hand to show he wasn’t going to fight. “I’m just calling it the way it is, Jim. You like girls. Girls your own age. Maybe even women a little older, but you don’t date men. Certainly not men twice your own age.”

            “What does that matter?” Kirk snapped. “You think just because I’ve never dated a guy that I couldn’t want to be with you?”

            “Now, I didn’t say that,” Pike’s tone was the same one he used when he was disciplining Kirk. It was too late for him to change it by the time he realized it was there. “I think that you really do believe you want to try your hand here, but I also know you’re young and have a bad habit of not always considering every possible outcome or reason when you get something in your head.”

            Kirk laughed once, hard, in disbelief. Just a few moments before the two of them were driving towards the hotel with what—Kirk had assumed—was a clear understanding and mutual decision. Now, out of nowhere, he was being lectured! It was unbelievable.

            “I just think you should really consider why you are so eager to do this, not just jump in head first into something you don’t—“

            “You think I haven’t _considered_ the situation?” Kirk interrupted Christopher’s speech. He had heard enough. Now, Jim was on an emotional tangent and so help the man dumb enough to try and stop him. “You think I haven’t thought about these feelings? What they mean or why I have them? What? You think I just woke up one morning and said, ‘Hey! I think I’d like to go fuck Pike! That just seems like so much fun!’?”

            It was clear Pike had an argument to state, but Kirk didn’t allow him to get any of it out.

            “That’s just great!” Jim mockingly smiled. He tossed his hands up and let them fall dramatically before he leered at the older man and started to spit his harsh view of the situation. “You know what, just because you got a little hard on and didn’t know how to deal with it doesn’t mean that I’m so easily swayed by my dick. For your record, I did think about it, and you know what I decided? That this was a stupid idea. Who would have guessed, I was right?”

            It broke Pike’s heart to see Jim so broken up. He too had been young once and he remembered the first time he came out to a man he thought he loved. It was incredibly humbling and in no time after the rejection he felt as though everything in the entire world had turned to shit and there was no way to ever get back his pride, confidence, or hope. As Christopher watched Jim act out, he saw the same pain and foolishness that he imagined all young men face when they truly put their heart on the line and feel it is pushed off and left to break alone. It was such an intense and strange emotion, rejection of mutual affection. The experienced man had felt it many times before. Sadly, it was the fear of it and the easy excuse of his duties that made him the lonely man he was that day. He’d never found someone who wanted to be with him as much as he longed to be with them, and so, he had never married or partnered with anyone. He knew the fear of that kind of loneliness was impossibly hard to live with, especially when you’re young.

            _But Jim doesn’t have to be so afraid,_ Pike thought. _He doesn’t have to face rejection because the man he chose to fall in love with isn’t rejecting him._

“I don’t know why you decided to waste money on this room, but I hope you enjoy it.” Kirk moved over and picked up his jacket. “I’m outta here.”

            Pike stood quickly and moved up behind Jim, grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving.

            “What the—“ Kirk looked back. He tried to pull his arm free from Pike’s grip. When that failed, he looked at the man with watery eyes filled with anger and fear.

            Pike’s heart broke as he thought, _What do you think I’m going to do to you? You look like I’m going to hurt you, Jim._

“What do you want?” Kirk asked defiantly. “I said I’m leaving.”

            “No you’re not,” Pike said. He pulled Jim around and held him in place by both of his shoulders. Jim, now facing Christopher, tried to pull himself free to no end.

            “What do you want? An apology? A promise that I won’t ever do this again? You can have that! You’re right! I’m not gay, so you don’t have to worry about me ever coming onto another guy again. Happy?”

            Pike didn’t respond. He just continued to hold onto Kirk’s arm while he struggled. The younger man was beginning to cry. It was clear he didn’t want to, but he couldn’t control it. He started to hit Pike’s chest with his free fist. He was yelling now, ordering Pike to release him, telling him he had no right to behave the way he was.

            _Oh, Jim,_ Pike thought.

            “Just let me go—uhm!” Kirk’s words were cut short. His mouth had been covered by Chris’s hand. The younger male’s eyebrows curled inward as sadness overtook anger and fear flooded his eyes alongside the tears.

            “Jim,” Pike said soothingly. The boy looked at his senior with some confusion. The older man had a strangely affectionate and sad expression on his face. “I will only ask you this once, and you best answer honestly.”

            There was something in the way Chris looked and the way he lowered his hand from Jim’s mouth and then slowly let go of his arm that made Kirk stand perfectly still. He waited to hear the question, finally getting ahold of himself and cutting off his tear glands’ supply to his emotions.

            “Do you love me?” Pike asked the question while he was standing a foot back from the other male. He tried to keep his face straight and any emotion out of his tone. What Jim said next and how he said it would control everything that happened next.

            After a long moment, Kirk finally decided to tell the truth but to keep it simple. “Yes.”

            A deep breath of air filled Chris’s lungs. He let the air out slowly and nodded. The gesture confused Kirk more. He was tense, on edge, waiting for Pike to lash out at him or start lecturing again.

            “I believe you are mature enough and intelligent enough to know when you are in love, Jim.” Christopher gave the boy a small smile. An instant later it grew and grew until the man was grinning and moving forward to embrace his slightly taller cadet.

            “What’s going on?” Jim asked. He allowed the hug but he was unsure what he should do beyond that point, so he just stood there with his arms dangling at his sides.

            “You know I’m much too old for you,” Chris said, almost jokingly as he pulled back. His hands were on Kirk’s shoulders now, and the happy old bastard was still grinning. “Not to mention, I know for a fact your father wouldn’t approve. More relevantly, the federation—“

            “Are you trying to tell me something, Christopher Pike?” Kirk wiped his face clean from his fit and stared at his captor. “Because I don’t think I’m following.”

            “Don’t play dumb, Jim.” Chris mockingly scowled at the boy. “You’re smarter than that.”

            Pike let his hands fall. He walked back over to the bed and took a seat. He took out a handkerchief and whipped the sweat from his brow before placing it on the bedside table. He looked up at the blond, watching his every move casually.

            “You said—“

            “I didn’t say anything. You jumped to conclusions,” Pike corrected.

            “But, you—“

            “Kissed you in a public restaurant and thought it might be better to take the activity somewhere a little more private. Still, I’m sure you can understand my hesitation.”

            “Hesitation?” Kirk’s mood was restored. He laughed. This was all unbelievable.

            “Well, plenty of kids do experiment at your age. Even more often they confuse the respect they feel for their teachers, trainers, and higher-ups for other things.” Pike watched with pure amusement as Kirk moved over and took a seat on the bed next to him. “I just wanted to make sure you understood what you were asking for.”

            “And what am I asking for?” Jim locked his gaze with Chris’s. The moment it happened a kind of thrill destroyed any doubt in Kirk’s mind.

            “A relationship between the two of us, James T. Kirk, is against protocol. We would no longer be able to interact the same way we can now, and you would never be permitted aboard my starship.” His hand reached out and caressed Kirk’s face.

            “That’s only in the case they knew about it,” Jim reminded Chris.

            “Oh-ho-ho! You?” Pike teased. “Keep a secret?”

            “You think I can’t?” Kirk leaned in closer toward Pike’s form. Their faces were now just a couple inches apart.

            “Can you?” Pike leaned forward a little too, rubbing the tip of Jim’s nose with his own.

            “Come on, Pike. You know me better than that.” Jim grinned and pushed forward. “I’m great with secrets.”

            The two men kissed. The first one was at an awkward angle, so Jim decided to fix that. He pressed on Pike’s chest as he lifted himself up and crawled over to straddle the older male. They kissed several more times until the inexperienced cadet finally positioned himself on top of his senior officer’s lap.

            “Girls make this look so easy,” Kirk joked, and then went back to kissing.

            “That’s another thing,” Pike said. He grabbed both of Kirk’s arms just above the elbows and gave the younger man a stern look. “I don’t think you should be playing around with all those young women anymore.”

            “Why? Jealous?” Kirk wiggled his bottom a little, feeling daring and frisky.

            “Yes.”

            Jim fell silent out of surprise, and then he gasped loudly as he was picked up and half flipped, half tossed onto the bed. Christopher Pike made himself comfortable above Kirk, his own body caught between the boy’s legs. Having Pike so close and in such a position of dominance made Kirk inwardly blush and outwardly grin and become excited.

            “Well then, maybe I can cut back a little,” Jim teased.

            “Only a little?” Pike scoffed. “Is that all I’m worth?”

            Kirk lifted his legs and wrapped them around Pike’s hips, hugging the man in such a way that their bodies pressed in very intimate ways.

            “No, but I’m young, Chris. I need sex to live. Without it, I’ll never make it through the academy!” Jim pouted.

            Everything was happening so naturally. Kirk was surprised. Though he felt lost in passion, something he never expected to be with a man he’d been hiding his feelings from for years, it felt like almost any other banter the two had shared. The only difference was their proximity to one another, and that was a very welcomed change indeed. Otherwise, it felt familiar and right. He hoped that Pike felt it too, and the other man did. Pike was musing over the exact same thing.

            “Well, you won’t need to endanger the career of young women to get sex anymore, Jim.” Pike felt heat rising to his face. It had been a long, long time since he dared to play these sort of love games with someone. He wasn’t even sure he was any good at it, but his partner seemed eager to roll with it.

            “Oh yeah?” Jim tightened his legs’ grip. He forced Pike’s hips to press into his own. “What, you going to take care of all these pesky little boy’s needs, Captain?”

            “I should think I can handle such a simple task,” Chris whispered. He placed a kiss on Kirk’s earlobe and then started running them up and down the length of the boy’s neck and chin.

            Jim laughed giddily. Actual red color was brought to the tips of his ears and his cheeks. He could feel the heat of the passionate moment sending shivers down his spine and into his youthful need below. It was exhilarating how smoothly Pike found every sensitive spot to caress and kiss.

            The two didn’t speak for a long moment. Instead, they took turns undoing each other’s clothing, pulling them off, and kissing various parts of one another. Both were lost in a sense of fantasy-come-to-life. There was no need to rush, because they knew there was nowhere else to be or anyone in the world that could bother them where they were. They rejoiced in the feeling of one another and allowed the lover’s lust to cloud all other thoughts or feelings.

            “Ow! Hey! That’s my leg!” Kirk laughed as Pike’s first attempts to remove the younger male’s pants failed halfway down.

            “Sorry,” Pike retorted. He decided to take it slower and remove one leg at a time. The method worked much better.

            As the last of his clothing slipped away, Kirk felt almost four years of childish dreams about his superior coming true. What he had thought was only a one-sided crush had turned out to be a two-way obsession. He could feel that Chris had wanted him just as badly in the way that he kissed and moved. Pike had felt just as alone and lost as Kirk had, Jim was certain of it. Now they had each other, and there was no way he’d ever let that change.

            “We’ll keep this secret forever,” Jim said. He was on his back, allowing Pike to run kisses down his chest and past his navel. “We’ll never let anyone know. That way—agh!—I can be your commander!”

            Pike’s hand had only just found Kirk’s sensitive half-mast. He loved how it made the cadet yell and found it even more amusing how the boy kept his focus. Pike began to stroke the body and encourage it to grow. He even offered the length tender kisses to stimulate the process.

            “You’re going to actually have to start behaving in classes if you want to earn the rank of a commander.” Pike pressed out his tongue and shivered at the first taste of Kirk’s young lust.

            “I can do it! Ohh. You know I can.”

            “Prove it.” Pike opened his mouth wide and moved down.

            “I will!” Kirk cried. “I promise. I’ll show you. They won’t be able to deny my request. I’ll be your commander and we’ll travel to distant worlds together.”

            Kirk’s toes stretched and then curled inward tightly. He pressed one of his palms into one eye and tried to hold back his noises of pleasure. It wasn’t his first time ever getting head, but it was the first time from anyone he loved. He was awestruck by the difference passion seemed to make. The feeling of pleasure only intensified as Pike lowered his head and used his powerful hands to push up Kirk’s hips. The older man’s tongue lashed out and began wetting an area his subordinate had very rarely explored sexually.

            “Shit! Chris—damn!” Kirk’s fingers locked into the fabric of the hotel blanket. His body tensed as he experienced anal-oral for the first time. It sent shivers through the man and he wondered briefly how many other men had the pleasure of _his_ captain’s mouth there. He flushed with jealousy as well before an uncontrolled moan escaped his mouth. He could feel Pike smile against his ass cheeks and embarrassment took over. He had wanted to avoid making such sounds. The younger man had wanted to appear mature and experienced, but it was hopeless to pretend something like that in a situation like the one he was in.

            “I’m glad you like it,” Pike teased. He peeked up and saw the distress on Jim’s features. He recognized at once that the boy was embarrassed by his own inability to repress his pleasured noises and that excited and encouraged Chris to keep trying. He worked his tongue around the tight ring of flesh a while longer, probing as deeply as he could with the rather short muscle every now and again, before he finally started to prod at the opening with his index finger.

            Kirk knew at once what was going on. He realized how natural it was to want to scream, “No. Wait! Stop! I changed my mind!” However, he hadn’t really and he had no intention of changing his mind. This was possibly his only chance to be with Pike, to prove to Pike that he could take it and that he would be able to handle everything that came with that responsibility. So, he kept himself from rejecting the attention and, instead, he asked for more.

            “I’m not fragile, you know. I can take a lot more than that.”

            Chris laughed, amazed at the boy’s eagerness for a moment but mostly amused.

            “I know you can,” Pike said. “And you will, but any good lesson would have taught you that you need to work up to these things. You can’t just stick anything wherever you want.”

            Pike was laughing. The hot air from his breath was sweeping over Kirk’s vulnerable rear and testicals. It made him visibly shudder. Once again, Jim felt like a virgin, as though he were ignorant of the processes or too eager. He was eager, in fact, but he wasn’t so ignorant. He had only meant it as a sign of his own control and dominance. It seemed to only prove the exact opposite. He decided to stay quiet after that, but the things Pike was doing to him made it virtually impossible. Though he didn’t speak many words, Jim managed to make a wide range of heated panting, moaning, whining, and surprised yelping noises as his lover continued to slowly work his body open while he moved around and kissed, nipped, bit, licked, and touched many other parts of Jim’s body.

            It was an eternity of pleasure that, even while it was happening, Kirk couldn’t keep straight in his mind. The sound of the blood rushing behind his ears, his own recessive sounds, and Pike’s sweet words and growled moans were all the cadet could barely focus on. Everything was a delightful madness for the longest time, and then, without warning, everything seemed to go away.

            “What are you doing? Come back.” Kirk watched Chris sit up. The older man had pulled his hands away from his partner’s body as he got up. It scared Kirk into thinking he was going to be abandoned until he saw what was happening.

            Pike undid his own pants and pulled them down to his knees, the best he could do in his position. His cock, already tense and saluting, bounced out of place as it was freed.

            “Oh—“ Kirk said, his voice trailing off as he stared. He watched as Pike stroked his own body for a moment, and then the need urged Kirk up.

            “Jim,” Pike said, startled. Jim had decided to provide the lubricant they’d need to continue. Chris chuckled, unable to figure out if that was the plan, or Kirk just wanted to try his first time swallowing a man.

            Christopher absolutely adored Jim, even in a moment others might find nothing but crude he felt a strong admiration and gentleness towards the boy. He never raised his tone or forced Jim to go further than he was willing, which was fine since Kirk had no intention of holding back or refusing to try something new.

            Kirk paid close attention to the expressions his lover made and how his body moved. He used these things to gauge his own progress and to improve. It was only when he was certain he had nearly destroyed his captain before he pulled his lips away from his prize. He gave the saliva coated mass one last messy kiss before wiping off his own mouth and turning over.

            Pike blinked, stunned by the sudden lack of attention on his form, and watched at Kirk stuck his ass into the air. He realized then that it was never Jim’s intention to avoid the activity at all, something he hadn’t been sure of when he’d nearly blown his top twice while Jim worked him over. No, Kirk wasn’t unfocused or scared. He had known exactly what he was doing. He’d given himself a moment to physically calm down while he made sure his captain was fully prepared.

_Tactical, if not a little unexpected, as always, Jim._

            The two joined slowly and when the first entry was complete they stayed perfectly still as their bodies adjusted. They basked for a long moment together in the feeling of union. Eventually, Kirk pulled forward and then slowly pressed back again. That was the start of the end.

            An immeasurable amount of time passed while Pike and Kirk made love. They changed speeds and even positions more than once, but they didn’t stop between passes for long. Both men were overwhelmed by the sensations flooding their minds and bodies. There was nothing but heated passion and lasting ecstasy between them for what felt like an eternity. However, as they both knew would have to eventually come, the end came and they were forced to separate. To compensate, Jim pressed back into Pike’s arms, intertwining his legs with his lover’s and trying to pull the man onto himself like a blanket. As they spooned closely, they caught their breath.

            “I love you,” Chris whispered some time later. He wasn’t even sure Jim was awake. He certainly wouldn’t have been surprise if he’d fallen asleep.

            “I love you too.” Jim had been drifting in that place between waking and sleeping since his heart had regulated its own pattern. Having heard those words from Christopher brought a soft smile to his lips and made him certain that there was nothing wrong in the world.

            “You should get some rest,” Pike cooed to the boy. He stroked Jim’s hair lovingly.

            “You too, Captain.”

            Pike grinned and hugged his Jim even closer. He snuggled his face into the back of Kirk’s neck where his scent was the sweetest and the two fell asleep in the embrace of their loved one for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far this is assigned to be the last chapter for this story unless my client wishes for additional chapters. I've finally had this piece edited and posted though, so I'm marking this baby complete! 
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> If you liked this, let me know and I can note my followers' interests for future stories. 
> 
> Thank you all who read this story and enjoyed it! Have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed this piece!
> 
> Don't forget to give kudos, bookmark to come back to it, and leave comments!
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> All support is very much appreciated.


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